Winnie The Pooh Is A Pervert

A town in Poland rejected
Winnie the Pooh because
they said his sexual identity
is uncertain. Go figure.  

Winnie the Pooh has no business lurking around playgrounds.

That's the opinion, at least of officials in Tuszyn, Poland, who when deciding who should be the mascot for the town playground, firmly decided against Winnie the Pooh.

According to the Global Post: 

"They decided to rule Winnie out, because he is an 'inappropriately dressed' bear of 'dubious sexuality.'

Sure, Winnie is a honey junkie who spends most of his time with a chronically depressed donkey and a suspiciously energetic tiger, and if you don't want your kids hanging with that sort of crew, then fine. 

But if you don't want Winnie at playgrounds because he doesn't wear pants and has no external genitalia, you're living in the past, my friend."

We do know, thanks to a leaked recording of the Tuszyn town council meeting, that there was some pretty intense debate about the Winnie the Pooh crisis.

Says the Global Post:

"Resident and councillor Ryszard Cichy apparently believes this about Winnie: 'The problem with that bear is it doesn't have a complete wardrobe. It is half naked which is wholly inappropriate for children.'

An unnamed official apparently knows why: 'It doesn't wear underpants because it doesn't have a sex. It's a hermaphrodite.'

And another resident, councillor, and human who lives on this Earth, Hanna Jachimska, apparently blames Winnie's creator, Alan Alexander Milne: 'This is very disturbing but can you imagine! The author was over 60 and cut his (Pooh's) testicles off with a razor blade because he had a problem with his identity.'"

Wow! I don't think I've heard anybody being as thorough thinking about Winnie the Pooh as the Tuszyn town council.

I've never heard such a detailed sexual analysis of a cartoon character before. Yeah, I've heard Bert and Ernie from Sesame Street might be gay, which I think is great, but it seems the conservative town of Tuszyn might not agree.

You could try the Teletubbies, but they might be a little weird. (Ya think?!?)

Now, though, I'll never think of Winnie the Pooh the same way again.

Of course, the fine town of Tuszyn, Poland now has to come up with another mascot for its playground.

I'd suggest the Tasmanian Devil from Looney Tunes, but he probably just promotes hyperactivity. Another idea is the Minions, originally from Despicable Me, but they seem easily distracted, and they have a little too much fun sometimes.

Maybe this playground mascot idea isn't so hot after all.