Sunday, December 9, 2012

Christmas Shopping For People You Hate

It's usually fun to Christmas shop for people you love, or at least like.

It's not so fun to shop for people you dislike, but you kind of have to in the name of holiday spirit, or obligation or whatever.
From Worst Things For Sale: This Charming
Santa Toilet Decoration.

We do have to buy stuff for people we aren't close to sometimes, though, and I'm here to help!

There are pages and pages of incredible, and I do mean incredible gift ideas in a Tumblr site called "The Worst Things for Sale."  It's a catalog for haters!

Among the things you can see on the site for potential gifts are a book called "HTML For Babies", a power strip in the shape of a yellow lightning bolt, an electric potato chip bag sealer, a Lady Gaga Singing Tooth Brush, two other books,  an instructional one called Knitting With Dog Hair,: and another one, in case you're into this, called "Castration: The Advantages and Disadvantages."

There are all kinds of things you didn't think you needed. There's a room spray called an Aura Cleaner, which "clears negativity from your auric field and environment." Oh.

I just clear my auric field by kicking angry, whiny, annoying people out of my house. And doing that is free!

"The Worst Things for Sale" helpfully includes product reviews, or links to people who reviewed them on Amazon.
More From Worst Things for Sale: Yes!
Make your house smell like icky candy
with this scented candle!

For instance, there's a butter cutter. You think it's easy to just take a stick of butter, slice off a piece for your toast with a butter knife and be done with it? No! You need a butter cutter!

Of course, to use the butter cutter,  you have to take an, um, butter knife, shave the sides off the stick of butter so it fits inside the butter cutter, then take the butter knife to cut a hunk off the stick of butter to put into the butter cutter, then use the butter knife to scrape out the butter that got stuck inside the butter cutter. And then you have to give up and take another stick of butter from the fridge, because refrigerated butter is too hard to be cut with a butter cutter.

By the time you get done with that, not only is the toast too cold to enjoy, the toast has probably turned green and moldy from the time it took the time to use the butter cutter.

Then there is something called a Thunder Shirt for dogs, which is coat dogs wear to purportedly calm them down so they don't bark or act out or get scared. According to the Worst Things for Sale writer, the Thunder Shirt only works on dogs that don't bark, act out or get scared in the first place.

Hungry? You can get Calorie Free Whipped Peanut Spread, which is calorie free because it's made of artificial coloring and flavoring and filler.

Our reviewer explains: "If you're wondering how they can replicate the texture of peanut butter with cellulose gum and water, the answer is you can't."

So go now to The Worst Things for Sale for hundreds of gift ideas for the people in your life, though you wish they weren't.  Operators are standing by!!!!!!!!

Butter cutter

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