Monday, December 31, 2012

Parents: Let's Do Better With Baby Names in 2013

Though I'm loathe to tell a parent how to raise a child, I have some concerns with a list that came out from the web site Babycenter listing some of the more unusual first names given to children in 2012.

About a half million people shared with Babycenter what they named their new bundles of joy over the course of the year. To qualify for the list of unusual names, at least two kids had to be given these unusual names.

I'm all for giving kids unique and memorable names, but there is a danger with that idea. Below is a list of names and why I think they could be dangerous. Let's start with the girls' names:

Admire: What if she grows up to be a jerk and everybody hates her. Admire wouldn't work in that case, would it.

Excel: You're naming your kid after a spread sheet. Is she going to be as boring and colorless as a spread sheet?

Fedora: Better have a big budget for hats with this kid.

Inny:  And meet her twin sister Outie.

Jury: When she grows up, will she be stuck with jury duty like, every week?

Rogue (Also a boy's name) Well, if the kid grows up to lead a life of crime, the name sure fits.

Sanity: And if she's crazy?

Sesame: I can hear the school yard taunts now. Can you tell me how to get, how to get to Sesame Street?!?

Thinn: And if she ends up overweight?

Zealand. And if she has a daughter once she's grown and married, the kid's name will be New Zealand.

Let's go to the boys now.

Alpha: What happens if the kid turns out to be a milquetoast?

Cobain: Naming him after a supremely talented but very troubled man who committed suicide? Seems risky to me.

Drifter: Aren't those the guys who wander from town to town committing petty crimes?

Hippo: Opposite problem of his sister Thinn. What if Hippo is the preverbial 90 pound weakling?

Hurricane: The name hurricanes after people. Will the coast one day be struck by destructive Hurricane Hurricane?

Neon: Don't blame me if the boy comes one day with his hair died bright fuschia, spring green and fire engine red.

Savior: Oh, please. I know you love your kid, but he's not the second coming of Christ. Trust me.

Vice: He's grow up to be a chain smoking gambler.

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