Monday, December 3, 2012

The Mall From Hell Is near Sacramento, California

For some reason, I don't like shopping malls. It's just my bias. They're fine, really, if you like Cinnabon, especially.

But most of them to me are boring, selling the same stuff to the same people over and over. Yawn.

But some malls are worse and more starstruck than usual, and my nomination for the worst mall is the Galleria Mall in Rosewood, Sacremento, California.
The ill-fated Galleria Mall in suburban
Sacramento, Calif. burning in 2010

Why is it this particular mall always has bad karma?  A brawl on Black Friday led to a viral video of two guys really going at it. Apparently, they were fighting over tennis shoes. As if a 1.3 million square foot mall only had one pair of shoes for two morons to fight over. Plus, later, a car was trashed in retailiation. 

This isn't the first round of bad publicity for this mall. A couple years ago a flash mob showed up to sing Christmas carols, but their bouncing and dancing almost collapsed the place, leading to a hasty evacuation. (Structural engineers later declared the place safe for more Christmas shopping)

The flash mob incident hit right after the mall reopened after a crazy guy barricaded himself inside a GameStop store set a huge blaze in the mall  in Oct, 2010 for no discernable reason.

So I'd be afraid to do my Christmas shopping at this mall. Imagine trying to buy some clothes as a gift at the Gap, and I don't know, maybe locusts or poison frogs would kill me before I had a chance to swipe my debit card.

This mall sounds like the place the B-52s sang about in their 2008 song "Funplex," a place that sounded in the song to be a delightful horror.  I'm especially intrigued by the referenence to the Funplex food court restaurant called the Taco Tiki Hut. Sounds wonderfully tacky. I'd eat there, just for goofs. The B-52s paint the scene in their lyrics:

"I'm your daytime waitress
at the Taco Tiki Hut
I'm your daytime waitress
Here's your stupid 7-Up"

Yep, pretty much sounds like the service I get at a typical mall.  I wonder if the Taco Tiki hut also has stupid draft beer. I'd need it in that mall.

It still would be fun to start a Taco Tiki Hut franchise, just to see what would happen.

Just for fun, here's the video for the B-52s "Funplex" As always, they're hilariously chaotic. I want to invite them to my next party. Watch:


No comments:

Post a Comment