Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Virginia Attorney General Is Way Too Interested In Your Sex Life

We need to talk about Virginia Attorney General Kenneth Cuccinelli's sex life.

No, I won't go into any detail here, mainly because I don't know a thing about his sex life, nor do I care about it.
Kenneth Cuccinelli is shocked, SHOCKED! by
most kinds of sexual activity.  

The problem is, he cares, very, very deeply about your sex life. Especially if you live in Virginia.

Before we get into the details, if you're a little delicate, you might want to avoid getting too involved in this post.

Here's the deal: In Virginia, Cuccinelli wants to ban oral and anal sex. 

I guess it's not Biblical enough or something. Of all the crime problems an attorney general would face in any state, I'm not sure why Cuccinelli is focusing on this, but I guess everybody has their priorities.

This all stems from the notion that Cuccinelli finds gay people icky. Courts have the state can't stop gay people from having sex, as long as they do it behind closed doors and it involves consenting adults. Cuccinelli's solution is to ban all oral and anal sex for everybody, straight or gay.

As you can imagine, there are lots of problems with Cuccinelli's potential law. It's unconstitutional, as the U.S. Supreme Court has already dealt with this issue. Yes, I know the Supremes should have been dealing with less carnal issues, but this topic came up, so to speak, so it had to be addressed.

Of course there are other, practical problems with Cuccinelli's idea. How are they going to enforce it? Most people don't have sex of any kind out in the street, where police could see whether people are doing the deed legally, at least to Cuccinelli's satisfaction.

Besides, I think it's already illegal to have sex of any kind out in the middle of the street.

Are you going to have to get a permit before having sex and then have some law enforcement person in your bedroom making sure your technique is proper, under Virginia law? Wouldn't having law enforcement watching kind of kill the mood?

Unless you're into that sort of thing, of course.

Worse, will Cuccinelli invite himself into everybody's bedroom to watch? If so, then geez, the guy really IS kinky!

What if Cuccinelli somehow succeeds with this law and then is able to prosecute everyone who breaks it. Supposedly, Virginia's prison system has the capacity of 30,000. There are several million adults in Virginia. Where would all those sex addled felons go?

And why is Cuccinelli so interested in how people are having sex, anyway?  Yes, I do understand and agree with the point that everyone in law enforcement, including Cuccinelli, should care and ensure that sex only happens between consenting adults

But wanting to regulate how these consenting adults do it just seems a little, well, obsessive.  Sure, Cuccinelli should decide for himself how he wants to conduct his sex life, but he should keep his dick nose out of our beds.

In any event, Cuccinelli already finds himself under pressure to ensure he and his staff have sex (not necessarily with each other!) in a way that Cuccinelli himself finds proper.

Mother Jones magazine has already demanded to know if Cuccinelli and his staff have ever had oral or anal sex. You'd hate to have a hypocrite in his office, so we'd better clean house now, goes the logic.

So far, no response to Mother Jones on that question.

There was that big tourist ad campaign a few years ago that went "Virginia is for lovers."  I'd hate to think the only lovers Virginia would welcome in the future are really boring ones.


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