|This man is accused of smearing buttered toast|
on a windshield but nobody is telling us why
The frustrating thing about this report is, there's no context. You told us about the guy with the toast, but you didn't tell us why. Isn't that the most important part of the story?
One dispatch helpfully noted that the estimated damage to the butter-smeared car was $1. Oh, thank you.
Now how are we going to go on with our day not knowing why one would rub buttered toast on a car windshield.
I guess all I can do now is invite readers to submit their own theories as to why this happened. We need to solve this mystery.