|The man I was lucky enough to marry|
one year ago today.
On each of the past 365 days I've woken up in the morning, and the first thought that occurs to me is I am married to Jeff. Always, I smile at the thought, and suddenly have the courage to face the day, whatever it brings.
This wonderful marriage is a tonic, an elixir that changes everything in ways I can never explain.
Really, it's just another marriage. People get married all the time. With the death of the odious Defense of Marriage Act, more gay couples like us are getting hitched, too. Marriage is as common as sun rays on a glorious summer morning.
And as special as those rays. Yes, Jeff and I have just another marriage. But when you're in it, like I am, the glow of those sun rays make me feel like I'm walking on air, drinking in love, wanting to live with Jeff forever. And if I can help it, I will do just that.
Last year, in this blog, on the day I married Jeff, I wrote that it was important to make a public statement, to essentially shout from the rooftops that this marriage is a Big Deal. That we had a responsibility to keep the love growing. If only because the world needs more good things.
We've kept that promise. I didn't think I could love Jeff more than I did on that stage at the University of Vermont Royall Tyler Theatre on August 26, 2012 when we said our "I do's."
But, the love has grown deeper.
One of the things I love about this marriage is the little details that wouldn't mean anything to an outsider, but are everything to me.
I embrace the sound of Jeff snoring softly after I get up early in the morning and he sleeps in a bit. The warm smells of the dinner he's making that waft in from the kitchen. His arched eyebrow when I make another smart aleck remark. The way he gets excited like a little kid when he's got a great idea for a show he's designing, a design that the people putting on the play love.
We've settled into the routines of marriage. We get up, we make ourselves breakfast, one of us takes Jackson the Cocker Spaniel outside. In the evening, Jeff sits in his easy chair, Jackson draped on the head rest behind him. I rest on the couch, trying desperately, but failing to stop dropping crumbs on the floor as I finish eating dinner.
We shout out the answers to "Jeopardy!" on the TV. I wrestle with Jackson for a bit. Jeff will put the dinner leftovers away.
Then we'll watch "America's Got Talent." or something cheesy like "Project Runway" and do a running, eye rolling commentary. Forgettable stuff, and at the same time, profound.
I imagine most great marriages are something like this. Every day is routine and special at once.
It's been a great year, even thought it came with a lot of challenges. One of our beloved dogs, Bailey, died in May. Together, we cried over Bailey's death and our joined emotions helped get us through.
I suddenly find myself between jobs as we celebrate the one year anniversary of our union. I bounce my job search ideas off him, he gives me ideas, and the two brains combined ensure that soon, I will be working at rewarding job I love.
Jeff had to travel a lot in the spring and early summer. It was a constant blur of planes, cars, unfamiliar beds, me feeling lonely at home. I don't know if distance makes the heart grow fonder, but our bond was just as strong as ever when we were hundreds of miles apart.
I don't know what led us to find each other. I know the mechanics of it all, the initial whiff of interest in each other, the first date, the growing relationship, the deepening connection that led to our marriage. But why did our two lives intersect in the first place? How did we get so lucky?
The question can't be answered, of course. And probably shouldn't. The mystery is part of the fun.
Maybe some readers are groaning at this flowery tribute to the relationship between Jeff and me. It's just a marriage. And I guess this post is just a love letter to Jeff. I could have kept it all private.
But to me, this marriage is too big to hide away in a little box, to be shared only between Jeff and me. We felt the wonderful support of all our family and friends as we got married on August 26, 2012. That set us off on exactly the right foot. We feel how happy everyone is for us. We feel how people think this marriage is so right.
A great marriage like this affects a lot of people, a lot of bystanders, I hope in a good way. In a world full of ugly wars, ugly politics, disasters, fights, murders, mean people, hate and Miley Cyrus, this marriage is a wondrous refuge.
A refuge for Jeff and me, certainly. And maybe enough to make those we love smile a bit, too. What's the harm in that? Even if I do blab on and on about something that is "just a marriage."