Thursday, October 25, 2012

More Obnoxiousness from Abercrombie and Fitch

An A&B model relaxes and protects his abs, in case
he's called upon to help out on the company plane.

Like something created by a self-entitled rock star, the rules are just an obnoxious to do list to ensure the employees know that the Boss, namely CEO Mike Jeffries, is in control. Like they don't know that already.

Who in the world could remember these rules, anyway? I wouldn't last a minute, because I'd be so busy trying to subvert the rules I wouldn't get any work done.

For those of you who aren't into retail, Abercrombie & Fitch is a clothing store catering to young people. The store tries to sell an atmosphere of being for Beautiful People only. (Anyone over 27 and having imperfect looks need not apply) Abercrombie & Fitch stores are dark, so you can't actually see what you're buying, so I guess it doesn't matter what the clothes look like.

They pump in very loud club music, and I'm surprised the overwhelming fumes of cologne wafting through the stores hasn't caught the attention of the EPA or the World Health Organization.

Anyway, some of the rules on the company airplane include:

The models (and they're all models) working in the plane must always respond to Jeffries and Smith with "no problem."  Nothing like "Yes, sir" or "Sure" are permitted. I would have responded by saying "Whatever you moronic highness."

The "no problem" response could be well, problematic. Imagine this conversation:
"Hey, the plane engines are on fire and we're going to crash. We're all going to die!
"No problem."

Well, geez, a deadly crash is a problem, no?

The models must wear Abercrombie & Fitch clothes, which makes perfect sense, but they must be in jeans, polo shirts, flip flops and boxer briefs. Uh, who does the inspection to make sure they are wearing boxer briefs. On second thought, I don't want to know.

Male staff, and they're all males, should spritz their uniforms with Abercrombie & Fitch #41 cologne during the duration of the shift.

Great, the planes smell as bad as the retail stores. And wouldn't all those fumes cause some sort of in air explosion if it mixes with hot jet exhaust somehow?  I'm surprised I haven't heard about a series of Abercrombie & Fitch airline disasters.

I get it that Jeffries wants to keep things clean in the plane.  Who wants to jet around the world in a dump?  But everything, including cabin, galley and cabinet doors and seat belts should always be free of fingerprints, according to the rules.

How the hell do you use all that stuff if you can never touch it?

Here's one rule I actually like and would demand if I were in charge: All loose advertising and inserts in the 13 specific magazines that are stocked in the airplane must be removed. I hate it when I pick up a magazine and a blizzard of advertising cards and papers falls to the floor. Who wants to pick up piles of paper when you really want to sit down and read a magazine?

Bathrooms must have eight washcloths, no more, no less, and they must be "tri-folded," whatever that means.

Before any guests go to sleep on beds that are apparently in the company jet, the crew should "spray the bedding with sleep spray."

What the hell is "sleep spray?"  Is it Raid, to kill the nonexistent insects? I hope it's not Abercrombie & Fitch #41 cologne. I'd rather be sprayed with Raid before going to bed. At least it smells better.

All these rules  came to light after Michael Bustin, a former pilot, sued Abercrombie & Fitch for age discrimination.

The pilot that replaced Bustin was reportedly 32 years old. Which I guess is better than what I would expect. Imagine a teenage model with no brains but awesome abs piloting the plane.

Cleanliness would be the least of Jeffries' problems.

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